The bizarrely popular erotic fiction novel Fifty
Shades of Grey is due for release on Valentine's Day 2014.
Announced via the medium of a trailer that depicts a woman
infinitely less plain than the book suggested being whipped and shagged
senseless by a bloke in a suit.
The movie, and indeed the book, has polarized
opinion and caused plenty of heated debate, primarily between women. Ladies
that professed a love for the book and announced they were looking forward to
seeing the movie, suddenly found themselves under attack on Facebook and
Twitter feeds across the country, and judging by their comments, many of these
women seem to have always thought of themselves as feminists too. So what is going on? Can a woman be a feminist and still
take pleasure from a somewhat dark erotic fiction novel like Fifty Shades? With nothing else to do this morning and a moderate
interest in modern feminism, I decided that I would spend an hour to try and
explain why I believe that a woman can enjoy Fifty Shades of Grey, and still
feel strongly about true equality between the sexes.
Before I begin I must point out that I read some of the
first Fifty Shades novel out of morbid curiosity, and as a result I would
rather spend 90 minutes trapped in a lift with a decomposing skunk than
watching the film, but that doesn’t mean I can't understand the appeal. In a nutshell, I believe that many educated women can indeed take some
pleasure from a book that romanticizes the relationship between an arrogant sociopathic sex-pest who sexually dominates an impressionable young woman, and it is very
easy to explain why. Anyone that read the fascinating piece about Victoria
Pendleton's sessions with psychologist Dr Steve Peters can probably understand it too.
Basically, Peters told Victoria that she needed
to "let the chimp out" if she wanted success. She admitted to
him at this point that she had been feeling down, and she really wanted to get
her hair done. So she had her hair done, and promptly won her next race. This story helps to elegantly explain my point.
Feminism has taught modern women that they matter. I, and
any man with a brain (or a mother) should always agree on this point. It has
taught them that they should never submit to a man, unless they really really
want to. And during sex women sometimes want to. Not because they
hate themselves, not because they do not value their gender, and not because they
feel they have to. And they want to, because of good old fashioned science
(evolutionary biology if you are stickler for details.) Our species spent a long time evolving. Sex and desire are
as natural to human beings as eating and drinking. Modern feminism has (quite rightly) taught women from a
very young age that they matter. Unfortunately, the inner chimp often has a
real problem with being attracted to a man that is a total pansy.
And therein lies the problem.
The modern, trained part of any educated woman's brain
says "I want a man that is gentle, kind, sensitive, warm, generous, and
giving" while the inner chimp says "Look at Brad Pitts abs and biceps
in Fight Club, PHWOAR! Why am I looking at this pasty skinny guy with terrible
taste in underwear?" This is perfectly natural, no shame is required. And modern men have spent years being told that women hate
chauvinistic and masculine men, because they are likely to be oppressive and
arrogant. In everyday life, of course a woman wants a man that is
sensitive and kind, but during sex, the natural differences between the sexes
are much more important, because it is a primal activity that has been going on
since our ancestors first crawled from the oceans. Put simply, if apes never
screwed, our species would be screwed. So in the bedroom, opposites really do attract. And when
the differences between both of our sexes are not as obvious, arousal is much
more difficult for a regular heterosexual chimp. I mean.. woman.
This is also why the best serial philanders, (just read
any of those annoying pick-up artist blogs) fake it. They are arrogant, and
masculine, and confident, and attractive, but they pretend they are also
sensitive, and kind, and giving, and they are, right up to the point they roll
off you in bed and say "sod this, I'm off to the pub."
The feminization of men is a good thing generally. Any man
with a daughter, or sister can see the logic of that. Women now live in a
culture where they can take care of themselves, they can study whatever they
want, they can become a metalworker if they want, they can join the army, be a
mother, become a logger. They matter,
and that is a great thing. But the feminization of men is a bad thing in the bedroom
because the chimp often likes those masculine traits, and we are all slaves to the
chimp. Just like a genuinely good man who has never cheated on his wife but
occasionally spends a second glaring at an attractive woman's ass when she
bends over to tie her shoe in the street, so too can a modern, sensible,
feminist woman, want to lose herself in an hour of good old fashioned primal
shagging.
Well, unless they are married to me. Let's call it twenty
minutes.
So when modern women start to think their sex life with
their giving, sensitive, kind partner is a little dull, of course they are
going to have a moment when they get excited about the thought of being
dominated by a powerful, confident, and attractive male figure. Many aspects of FSOG are alarming, and indeed, very
sexist. And most men know it, because if it was a factual biography alongside
the likes of The Wolf of Wall Street, none of us would read it and go "I
would like Mr. Grey to meet my mother" or "My sister has just
recently divorced, I shall invite Mr. Grey round tomorrow night so he can bang
her up against the refrigerator." But it does not mean that a sensible
woman cannot simply enjoy it for what it is, some fictional entertainment. Our culture has taught women that they must never bow down
to a man, but the inner chimp often has a yearning for a little bowing down.
Just because some part of a woman's psyche desires some masculine behavior in
the sack, it does not mean that they want women to retreat from politics and
stay in the kitchen, and any sensible woman with a brain will concede the
point, not knee me in the testicles and mace me.
Anyway, I believe that walking the line between the chimp
and modern sophistication is difficult for men too, but I believe I am getting
close to becoming the perfect man via the medium of lifting weights, being
sexually aggressive, and tenderly stroking my wife's face while sobbing and
listening to Lady Gaga.
