A Hilarious look at the always funny topic of taxes. 

Actually, as you might have expected, this story isnt funny at all, in fact, it is terribly annoying, because lets be honest, prostitutes work very fucking hard for their money.

They also do some very hard fucking for money.. Haha!

 Sorry.... here is the story.

http://metro.co.uk/2013/10/07/student-who-made-1000-a-night-as-high-class-escort-to-fund-masters-degree-ordered-to-pay-175000-in-tax-4137954/

For those of you who are work blocked and cant open links because you are wisely reading this blog instead of doing something infinitely less interesting, here is the story in a nutshell.

A student who made more than £300,000 as an escort to wealthy clients without paying a penny in tax has been ordered to hand over nearly £175,000 or face prison.

Donna Asutaits, who has already served a 16-month jail sentence for tax evasion, will be given another two-and-a-half years if she fails to produce the money.

The 30-year-old filed no tax returns while working as an escort as she studied for a master’s degree.

She earned £1,000 a night and was buying an apartment in Knightsbridge, central London, prosecutor Jonathan Polnay said.

‘This defendant was working for years as an escort and in that job she received significant sums,’ he told Southwark crown court.

‘The deposit on her flat on Brompton Road, of £110,000, was paid in cash by the defendant, so clearly that money was available as profit.’

Judge Peter Testar told Asutaits, who was watching from the public gallery, to pay £120,000 and £54,243 in court costs.

So there you have it, basically, the British government says that prostitution is illegal, but if they catch you doing it successfully, then you best pay that pimp Osbourne his muthafuckin money bitch!

I mean really, I' not saying that she shouldn't be punished in some way, and yes that should involve some form of money changing hands, but £175,000!? If she made 300k, you are talking about Alan Sugar style income tax payments, you know.. that whole, 40% tax rate plus 12.5% national insurance or whatever the fuck it is. What support did they give her? What help did she receive? How did they in any way contribute to her efforts? She used her initiative, set up her own business, and proceeded to work very hard, noshing old men off, and doing other disgusting things that no member of parliament would ever dream of doing.

Well, except maybe Peter Mandelson obviously.

Not that I am aware of the exact figure some who earns £300,000 a year usually pays in tax, because I am the son of a welder from Middlesbrough and I joined the military, which means I have always had about as much money as a Somalian shoe shine boy. Unless we are talking about a Somalian shoe shine boy who turns up in London of course, because according to the Daily Mail he will be given a £3 million house to live in, and a special book of coupons so he can take his 40 children into Waitrose and empty all the shelves without paying for anything. A bit like on Supermarket Sweep, but with 38 more contestants who are all malnourished and black.

But doesn't it leave a bit of a disgusting taste in your mouth? I always used to wonder why my grandad would always complain about everything when I was a teenager. He would sit and smoke heavily and say bad things about.. well.. absolutely everything, but particularly the government and the tax man. And in my naivety I used to argue with him and tell him that taxes were good because they get spent on sensible things like, schools, policemen, teachers, firemen, trains, roads, and everything else.

And lo and behold, fast forward 15 years and here I am, dripping my tits off and sounding just like my grandad, except 30 fucking years earlier than him.. I blame the internet and the steady unending source on information that I sift through every day.

 I've been trawling the news since I started writing a blog, and frankly, I'd rather pick my way through the bins outside a local wanking theatre.

 I'm taking one for the team here, theres no sense in us all reading them.

Here's the rub... the government don't spend the taxes on anything sensible! Now I understand these fiscal conservatives and these government cynics, because the morons that tax us don't spend said taxes on anything worth paying for. Seriously, pick up the paper and look where the collection of sleazy lawyers that make up our leaders spend our taxes, and I won't even mention paying for Mick Philpotts fags, booze, and petrol.

 Im talking about really really stupid shit, and even the public sector workers aren't proper public sector workers anymore. Under the Labour party they hired an extra million, thats right, a million, but they weren't the type of workers that spring to mind when you mention the Public Sector, things that people know you actually need, you know.. the old fashioned ones, like teachers and nurses and street sweepers. No, the recent employees are things like "sensitivity training officers" (Eh?!) and fucking "youth and community support organisers" or as I like to call them, ridiculous non-jobs to buy votes from people who know they have just been given a salary without having to actually do anything.

 And at least in the old days you got something back for your money, if the king took one of your 50 sacks of carrots as tax, you would something back, be it protection from raiders or an audience with him once a month, what the fuck do modern workers get off the government ever?

 Literally ever? Can you think of anything you were ever given for free? All they do is take, take take take. Every single thing I have ever asked them for I have had to pay for, think hard.... prescriptions? Pay. Parking? Pay. Need a copy of your birth certificate? Pay. Planning permission? Pay. Need a library card? Pay. Pay. Pay. Pay. I needed a police letter for a Visa, they didn't say "Oh you have paid taxes for 19 years and never ever took a penny from the system, have it for free" they said "£60 Please"

 I mean, at least they said please, but Id rather they said "£59 shit head"

And by the way, The Boston Tea party and the American Revolution apparently took place over a 2% tax.

 Yes, 2%.  Imagine what those lads would make of paying 25% income tax and 9% sales tax (California) on top for a cup of coffee. If George Washington had told Samuel Adams he would be getting stuck for 34% of his income when they started the fucking war, he would have physically shit himself in front of the bloke and then went cap in hand back to the King and asked him for a job.

I know I would have done, considering I would suck George Osborne off for a tax rebate. Although, this government would probably want to tax said tax rebate, because after all, the government pimp wants his money for prostitution work.....

My Father loved his country because he wanted to drink rum and visit prostitutes. 

Before I start on the situation in America, I have to mention Ed Miliband again. 

As a man who completed 5 operational tours of duty and ten years service with the Royal Marines, I feel I can speak with some authority about the myth that politicians love to endlessly harp on about, that if you ever served in the military you somehow by default, become a flag waving patriot.

 I say this, because all we have had shoved down our throats all week is Yvette Cooper, Ed Miliband, Alastair Campbell, and every other politician with vocal chords, harping on about it. Just watch this ridiculous video for a quick idea of what I am talking about... 

Yes, apparently even though he was a self confessed Marxist and a communist who despised the Monarchy and actually wanted Britain to LOSE a war (Falklands), because he was in the Navy for a bit.. he loved Great Britain, always watched the Queens Speech, had a penchant for bowler hats and whippets and kept a painting of the PM above the fireplace.

It is absolute nonsense, yet nobody in the media seems happy to talk about it, I presume for fear of offending servicemen.

There are only a few types of people that join the military. There are those who join because it is a family trade and they come from a military background. There are those that join because they feel they will get a benefit from it, and they aren't completely against the idea, and these are the most common, it could be for a scholarship, for passage through University, or simply because they might get a trade or some essential training that will benefit them in the long run. There are lots of people who just need a job (also common) and then finally there are those that want a legal means of killing people. I am ashamed to say that when I was 17, I read about the Luxor Tourist Massacre (google it) and was filled with such childlike rage that I wanted to do just that, I wanted to be a green beret, get a gun, and shoot the mother fuckers that rape and kill and decapitate babies in front of their parents. Sure it was an immature and simplistic worldview that I soon grew out of, but that's by the by. 

The point is, you join the military because it benefits YOU. You go for money, for training, because you think it will be fun, because you want to travel, because you think you will look cool, because you like the uniform, the reason is entirely immaterial, but the point is, nobody says "Ok I don't want to leave home, and I really want to take that position at the bank with the six figure salary, and I hate being away from my family and I can't swim, but fuck It, I love the Queen, so I'll join the Navy" 

You can be a rampant communist, a marxist, a man who loathes all of the institutions in Great Britain and used to write letters to his infant son forcing his extremist agenda onto the boy at a young age, and you can still join the Royal Navy. Adolph Miliband was and did, all of these things, and no doubt joined the Navy because he got something out of it. No shame in that of course, but the point is, your military service says absolutely nothing about you personally or politically, and Red Ed should stop waving his fathers paltry service around like a banner proving his devotion the British people when he was raised from a young age to hate everything about all of the major institutions in this country.

If you are interested, you can learn more about Adolph and Ed from Newsnight here. 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/newsnight/9028591.stm

Other than that, the biggest story of the past week was obviously the fact that the US government closed all of their non-essential operations on Tuesday after Congress failed to agree a new budget. Amusingly, (and cringingly) the bloke in charge of the Republicans likes to cry in public all the time, which is good to know, because he will have had plenty of practice for the inevitable tears that will flow when the voters promptly fuck his party for their actions come the next election. The thing is, fighting so hard against the healthcare reforms might seem a good idea to him because it plays to the hardcore 20% of Republicans that are dead against the reforms, but 20% of a vote doesn't win an election, except possibly an Italian one, because over there the guy with the least votes can actually win by sending the mafia around your house to set the bins on fire. 

The Republicans went all out to win the bible thumper vote last Presidential Election, succeeded staggeringly well by all accounts, and still got beat.

To a sensible party leadership, this would seem to indicate that they should drag themselves away from a base that isn't large enough to secure a victory. Namely, the small percentage of Americans that are absolutely brimming with Jesus Juice, to the point that common sense gets fucked off right out the window and stored underneath an anti-abortion pamphlet with a picture of a fully formed, hairy, two week old fetus doing a crossword in his mothers womb. 

The best part is, the Republicans were absolutely convinced they were going to win the last election, because they only watch right wing programing. If you watched Fox, they basically said "Oh yeah well, Obama might be 15 points clear in California, but that is just biased figures from liberals, and Romney will actually take the state by 3-4". Lo and behold, he didn't, and what happened? 

They were fucking amazed even though pretty much everyone outside America, and indeed the party, knew exactly what was going to happen.

The point is, I dont even like Obama, I am pretty right of center on a personal level, but I couldn't bring myself to vote for anyone who endlessly crows on about their faith because it has no place in legislature. Even the majority of American Christians say such a thing, but Republican Senators are all at it. Even Ron Paul, who seemed ok on the surface, was filmed in 2007 talking about how evolution was  "just a theory" proving that you don't need to go to school to be a fucking Congressman in the United States.

I would love to see a hard-ass military man like McCain in charge, but not if he is brandishing his big book of desert fables while he orates. I have absolutely no time for it, and clearly neither does the vast majority of conservative Americans. It's clear that to have a chance next election, someone needs to drag the Republicans away from the Bible, and closer to sensible, slightly right of center conservative values, because until that happens, the dems are just going to be playing on easy mode, and Boehner might think this shit is going to swing him some votes, but it isn't, it's merely going to force formally apathetic people who couldn't be fucked to vote, right into the booths they once ignored, in a desperate attempt to get rid of that fucker who made them miss their wedding, lose a days pay, or have to stay home when they were supposed to be taking the kids around a national park.  

This type of thing might be expected from pretend countries like Belgium, but you really expect better from those that were spawned by those of British stock. Sure the British get called arrogant, but considering the entire Anglosphere (That's Canada, America, New Zealand, Australia and Britain for those of you that are not well educated like what I is) enjoys a great quality of life, what's wrong with being arrogant? Are Bentley being arrogant when they point out that their flagship Rs 3.1 is better than the Austin Allegro? Its got nothing to do with elitism or patriotism, and everything to do with cynical common sense. Ask yourself a simple question, are people desperately trying to get into your nation or out of it?

If the answer is "they are so desperate to get in they will cram themselves into a giant floating bathtub with 499 of their mates and sail across a sizeable body of water while being led by a toothless illiterate without a map" then you probably live somewhere pretty nice as well. And that takes me nicely onto another story... 

500 African migrants sank their giant rusty bathtub near Italy, and everyone pretended to actually give a shit even though it has been happening for decades and nobody does anything about it other than lock the fuckers in chains when they arrive and ship them off back to where they started as quickly as possible so they dont remind people that tens of millions of people are dying of starvation and it might put them off their pasta/baguettes/tea/sausages the fuck they eat everywhere else in Europe.

 I actually feel sorry for these people, but being a cynical realist, I also realize that there seems to be fuck all we can actually do about it other than having an open door policy, but surely considering the population of Europe is 730 million, and the population of Africa is over a billion, wont that just mean that Europe will be as fucked as Africa? And then what do we do? All fuck off somewhere else? It seems as though the problem is beyond us, aid isn't doing the job because the money all gets spent on sunglasses, and we don't have the resources or the inclination to rebuild them from the ground up. 

 So the way I see it, we should regretfully keep the gates closed. Its either 1 billion people live in shit, starve, and catch ebola, or 1.73 billion people live in shit, starve, and catch ebola. So... theres no point in fucking everyone is there?