7 Reasons not to Vote for Donald Trump

Donald Trump. He's a character isn't he eh? Loud, arrogant, talks a bit like Rosie O'Donnell if she gargled with whisky and razor-blades every morning. He is so easy to mock he reminds me of Sarah Palin. Well, an ugly, balding Sarah Palin with a disgusting, ginger penis*. I could probably talk you out of voting for him by just going off how he looks and sounds, but there is much more to him than an intensely irritating voice and shit hair. 

 Anybody wondering why I would rather spend a week trapped in an elevator with two televangelists than brush past Donald in the street, can find 7 very good reasons below.   


1. He Tweets Like a Teenager

Everybody knows that Donald is a bit touchy. There have been numerous stories about his ridiculous personal attacks on people in the media that he takes disliking to, but I think this one "Trumps" all others. 

That's called logic, suck on it America! LMFAO!

Rather than attacking their politics, he throws personal attacks at fellow politicians. Unfunny, mean personal attacks that you would expect to hear spat from the mouth of a bulimic cheerleader. Its not a stretch to imagine a President Trump invading somewhere due to some minor disagreement, or dropping 200 tons of napalm onto Mecca because someone who happens to be a Muslim scratched his car.

2. He is overtly racist.

The most amusing quote from his ridiculous press conference was without doubt "Mexicans... they're rapists!"

The man has all the charm of a pissed off rattlesnake.

Clearly it is not that difficult to say something sensible about the immigration issues that America has without throwing his rape hat into the ring. I also loved his other quote on a similar topic, which surely deserves its own spot on the list...

3. "I have a great relationship with the blacks"

Donald appears to think that "the blacks" are like some sort of, small family of magical midgets that he lets live in his pool-house. The very fact that he just refers to (I'm presuming he means American people of voting age that happen to be black) a wide and diverse group of tens of millions of people as "the blacks" is statement in and of itself. As if all of "the blacks" are pretty much identical really, a bit like Dwarves from The Lord of the Rings.

 Basically, he comes across as a condescending idiot. Unfortunately for Donald, coming across as a narrow-minded idiot while speaking in public is not generally considered a personality trait that voters like to see from a prospective president, unless they vote for Rick Santorum of course. If they vote for Rick, they think that forcing the kids to pose for photographs with a dead baby is totally normal, at which point, they have much bigger problems to worry about than merely being condescending.

4. Everything he said in his announcement speech was factually incorrect

If this wasn't obvious from the whole rape thing, you may be more gullible than you thought. Donald said that current Gross Domestic Product (GDP) of the United States was currently "below zero" (it isn't) he said that "there are no jobs available" despite the Bureau of Labor Statistics reporting on June 9th that there were over 5 million job openings in the continental United States, the highest since December 2000. Basically if I sat and typed all of his lies out I would be here until November, and I can type pretty fast. Other gems include "There are no Chevrolets in Japan" (there are a shit-ton of Chevrolet's in Japan) and "Obama's website cost 2 billion dollars" (it cost less than half that.) 

 All politicians tell lies, you don't get to be a famous politician if you aren't willing to tell a few lies, but I wouldn't believe Donald Trumps radio.

5. He's a "Birther"

Donald was constantly harping on about this ridiculous story long after everybody else had finally given up. When even Bill O'Reilly has finally stopped going on about something tasteless and you are still plugging away, you have to accept the fact you may well be a walking toilet.

This is a quote from Don three weeks before President Obama released his birth certificate to the public. 

"If he wasn't born in this country, which is a real possibility, then he has pulled one of the greatest cons in the history of politics!"

Worse than this, he is a conspiracy theorist in all kinds of other ways too. He also said..

"Global warming was invented by the Chinese to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive" 

When the evolution-denying, young earth creationist Mike Huckabee is much smarter than you are, sorry, but you aren't smart enough to be president.

6. He brags incessantly

I almost vomited typing these Donald quotes out, but they are absolute corkers.

"My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body."

"All of the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me,  consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected."

"Let me tell you, I'm a really smart guy. I was a really good student at the best school in the country."

And on, and on, and on it goes.

I started cutting and pasting quotes on here and after ten minutes I had about 40, obviously nobody wants to read 100 lines of complete insanity, so I cut it down to 3 quotes that show....


7. He is absolutely off his fucking tits

He is.. to use a Briticism, completely fucking bonkers. Actually, I think "off his fucking tits" is a Briticism as well. 

 He pays people to cheer for him at his speeches. He made a TV show about firing people. He is bright fucking orange. He walks around in a toupee that makes him look like he has special needs. He is definitely a narcissist and quite possibly a sociopath. He might not have gone as far as flying around Alaska shooting bears from a helicopter, but that is surely on the cards. They say that the King who essentially caused the American Revolution was completely insane thanks to the presence of mercury in his wigs, and I can only assume that Donald uses the same tailor. 

 Or whatever it is you call someone who makes your wigs for you.

* I have never actually seen Donald Trumps flaccid, unpleasant member.